Chapter 1 Passion on Purpose (Pop)

This is the journaling portion of my realism project...lol...You can read my blog and respond (please do, only through feedback can we grow), but keep it Christ minded and well, have fun...feel free to just vent in agreement...So here goes...



1. How willing am I to make major adjustments int my life if I felt God leading me to make them?



This is a hard one for me. I have always felt like I am willing to jump off that cliff for Christ, but I am not sure I am willing to not blame hime too when it doesn't work the way I see it working, you know? I want to please Him and I am willing to move to the ends of the Earth and usually I do (haha Montana, Indiana, and soon maybe Texas), but there is a fear that set sin once I have let go that causes a serious whiplash kid of stop in the progress of God in me. Its my brake interfereing with God's moving wheel...have you ever stuck a stick into the spoke of your friend's bike? Yeah, its kind of like that, only you stuck the stick into the spoke of a tandem that God was steering and well, you get hurt...I want to be 100% on this question. I want to say yes, I am willing to make major adjjustments in most areas.

The one area I would say is the most resistent ot change is in finances. My deepest, darkest secret. I was (and still can be) VERY irresponsible with my finances. The whole money grows on trees thing, that wasn't even close...With that I created a very bad debt spiral for myself. I feel that God is calling me to become frugal and almost threadbare in my existence to use my money to settle the debts I owe and the tithes I skip in the name of groceries. That said, I want to obediant and wiling I just can't let go. So, this is a new era and saying this out loud I can now know that I am opening myself up to financial accountability amongst my sisters and brothers. I am open to wisdom and tips, not criticism or easy fixes that don't glorify God.



2. Am I wiling to think outside of the box to discover what I can really do with my life? How?

Again, God blessed me with what I call a "gypsy's spirit". That means that I am always settled being unsettled. I can move on a whim and I can change on a dime. I am absolutely willing to think outside the box that the world sets up for us. I get worried, I am not without fear, but I am always willing to look at what might not be the standard way of doing things..."Don't worry about anything; Instead, pray about everything"-Philippieans 4:6. This has become my 2008 motto.



3. Do I see my life as a gift to me that has many choices I can make about how to live it? Why or why not?
Absolutely!! In everything, I have heard a clear message from God that He created us in His image, in His time, everything in Him, especially our freewill. This is imperative to our relationship to Christ. Every choice I make is my choice, not a forced decision. If God were to make all our decisions for us, this life would be meaningless. On the contrary, I am free to make all the choices I want...well, out of want. I desire to lead a life that glorifies God and goes in the directions He sends me...And I can choose to make choices that further this desire or that hinder it. And I see this as a tremendous gift. God did not want my life to be that of a drone, a worker bee with no choice as to my pathway, but He wanted me, with all my flaws and wrong turns, to be His willful servant, and I choose to be just that.

4. What I like most about my life right now...is the fact that I feel a clear calling, a dream, the puzzle pieces are making sense. Its like the borders are laid out and I am filling in chunks of the center. God is totally clearing ways for me to go with Him. The am blindly jumping from edge to edge of a great precipice (spelling?) of my life choices and in choosing to go with my Father, I am finding that the leap is far easier with Him. So, right not basically, I am really liking the ride.

5. What I think God is most pleased with about my life right now is...my desire. I desire...period. God has put withing me a need, or more deep, a desire, a longing, a wanting. I have found great clarity in Him and right now I am in great desire of knowing Him deeper. In fact, I am a child. A willing, wanting, excited child and I know that this pleases Him.

6. The part of my life I am most resistant to change is...the part I feel is the most out of control and unworthy of God--my finances. I am learning so much everyday, but because I feel it is so far past helping (as I look only to myself to help) I am resistent ot try and heal the past mistakes I have made and renew my future.

7. The way I would describe my dream life is...living in an open house in a small town, involved in a church family where we all know each other, married, staying at home with my Cian before and after school, but working as a dramatherapist during school hours. Dogs and farm animals running around. That is life one. Life two would be married doing orphan missions in Africa. Raising our children among natives and without American fancies. Enduring with our Father and falling in love witha a people that God chose to send me to and by working through me instilling a pssion in them as He has me and so many others.