Looking back...

They say that you should never look back, but I disagree--for two reasons. One is that by looking back you can take stock of where you were and where you are now. It seems overwhleming if you do this whtrough the eyes of a child of God. Don't take stock of your life according to the world, but according to where you feel God wants you to be right now and you will be surprised how far you have come. One big step gets you far, but a lot of tiny steps can get you farther. The second reason is I think you should alwasy look back--at your devotional/journal/diary/prayer keeper. Whatever you call it. If you don't keep a sermon record/thought-spot/wordwastebasket, then start, you wil be surprised how cathartic it can be... This said, I looked back today and found a really cool little blurb in my journal from when I was living in Montana. It goes as follows...(note the italics to indicate flashback sequence...lol)


Queueing
Psalm 27:14-"Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!"

I was reading my devotional (an excellent one by Max Lucado, "Experiencing the Heart of Jesus") and again I am spoken to. It makes me laugh how obvious God can be sometimes. I am in the middle of Nowhere, MT, for those of you who don't know. I knew before I came that's this was where God wanted me, but I don't know why. I try to pride myself on being patient, but we all know pride comes before a fall. And man did I fall when I got here, 1,500 miles from any loved ones, from any kindred spirits, from treasured family, from all that is familiar. I got here so thrilled to see what God had in store and well, He didn't reveal that to me the first hour, so I got antsy. It was like in the movie "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy." The group is on a mission to save someone and find they have a long line to wait. One of the guys says, "Let me do it. I'm British, I know how to queue." Then about 6 seconds later he figures out he can't. That's me. I boast of Job-like patience and find I am more like porr British gut. I hate wait and and this week I was slipping into a serious pout. I would like to say sadness, funk, depression, but honestly it is a pout. I want to know how and why I am here. God is saying, "Wait on me. Trust me." This is sooo hard. Its not that I wanted to be impatient, but I was just being spiritually 2!! Then yesterday I went to bed without doing my devotion reading and ended up dpoing it this evening. Guess what it was about? WAITING! TRUSTING! Hello, Mcfly? (insert 'biff' on back of head here) I always smile when I am reprimanded. I think 'cause I know that means He listens to me and loves me enough to answer me--WAIT! The three study verses were:

Isaiah 30:18--"therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therfore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the the Lord is a God of justice, blessed are all those who wait for him."

Psalm 27:14--"Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!"

Lamentations 3:26--"It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord."

All speak on waiting for the Lord. Go figure. Needless to say that was the swift kick in the spiritual pants I needed to renew my patience in the Lord. So now when asked why I came to
Montana I can stop saying, "Uh...Well.." and say "Oh, I'm waiting on that, but don't worry--I;m a Christian and I know waiting!" lol-get it a reference to hitchiker's british guys words...ok...nevermind... (of course, this will be said not in pride, but in humble trust in God:})

Okay, fade back...lol...Now reading this served two purposes. One is that right now I am at a big crossroads and I want one thing and well, I am not sure what the Lord wants. I know I will go to Texas for Seminary, but when is the big Q...The second it reminded me that God spoke to me then, He will speak to me now. I just have to trust Him. So inclosing I want to thank my dad for always listening and guiding through His unconditional, unending, unjust, and merciful love. Thanks, Dad. I love you with all my heart, soul and mind and I am trying to love you more each day. And thanks to my first love, Jesus Christ, my knight in shining nailscars...You will always hold the key to my heart. I love you!